(candlelight vigil for Grayson, photo courtesy of photographer Nick Liberate at Patrick Henry High School)
Over Christmas break, I lost a friend. He decided that his life didn't hold enough worth to continue living, giving into the pain and guilt that chained him down after losing his mom and battling an addiction. I met Grayson in middle school, several years ago. I don't remember exactly when or where we met but the first memory I have of him is sitting in the gym during some type of pointless assembly at the beginning of sixth grade, Grayson sat down in our row and quickly began cracking jokes and making everyone laugh. That is just who Grayson was. He had an infectious smile that lit up the room, a strong compassion for others, could build literally anything, and would try just about anything once (which may have contributed to his downfall) We were close until eleventh grade, when Grayson fell into something that he wouldn't be able to dig himself out of. An interwoven snare of pain and addiction that he would feel trapped in.
At his funeral the other day Grayson's family had requested that the reverend speak about the struggle with addiction that held so tightly to Grayson. He expressed the sad story of where they can make a person compromise ones values, the morals that were built within a stable family. Grayson's father loved him so much and would have given the whole world for Grayson to be happy and addiction free. I wish that Grayson could have fully realized how unconditionally his family and friends love him. I wish he could have seen a hope for his life, a hope for his brokenness through healing in Christ.
The emotions that follow a suicide are remnant of being lost. Your mind begins to try and wrap itself around something that it will never be able to understand. The whole thing didn't seem real until I stood beside the door of the small country church that Grayson grew up in and watched our friends carry the casket holding their very best friend to the graveside. That is when it hit a lot of us that at 19 Grayson decided that he wasn't worth it anymore, that he was gone.
Grayson was loved by so many and the fact that he touched so many lives in 19 short years is astonishing. His caring smile, heartwarming laugh, and insane sense of adventure will forever live in our hearts. 19 years isn't very long to live but Grayson's memory will stay with us here. I can only pray that those who knew him, that may fall into the same pain or feelings of dependence seek a sense of hope in Christ and see that their life holds so much worth, just as Grayson's did.
We will miss you so much Grayson. Forever in our hearts.
