1 Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins
are covered. 2 Blessed is the one whose sin the LORD does not count against
them and in whose spirit is no deceit.3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all
day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover
up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD.” And you
forgave the guilt of my sin. 6 Therefore let all the faithful pray to you while
you may be found; surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach them. 7
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with
songs of deliverance. 8 I will instruct
you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving
eye on you. 9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. 10 Many are the woes of the wicked, but the
LORD’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him. 11 Rejoice in the
LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart! (Psalm
32)
I was reading psalm 32 and it reminded me of when a friend of mine said that he couldn’t really read me do to the fact that (whenever it comes
up) I shy away from sharing personal stuff. I didn’t really think about it at
first and was like whatever, but then it really started to bother me for some
reason. I thought I was being weird but then I really started thinking about
it. I do exactly that (a lot) I shy away from anything personal, like a defense
mechanism that is a byproduct of who I used to be before I had Christ and the
Gospel in my life. Even in my prayer life with God I get into this habit. I hold stuff back and just throw out surface level things which ultimately get me nowhere. I feel more disconnected than before and a feeling of unrest settles in my spirit.
A phrase that I’ve adopted in my prayer life recently is “its about
to get real” haha. As strange as it sounds and feels saying that to God…it is
exactly what is going on in my spiritual life from the inside (meaning my
personal walk with God) and out.
I felt like
that's what David is saying as well. He
says that he knows the Lord forgives (v1,2) but that he still felt like he was
running but getting nowhere basically, because he was trying to hide things
like sin or what he was struggling with (v3,4).
What happens after that is something big that really convicted me and
connected with much that God was showing me personally with CK4 this
summer. He confesses what he is
struggling with or going on in his life, wants others to do the same, and in
turn finds rest in the Lord. Where does he find it? In the LORD!
Something huge that God has really been hitting me in the face
with lately is the fact that the gospel is our main focus, so our peace and
security is not found in forgetting or hiding sin/experiences/personal
struggles but rather in the Lord. We should rather delight in the freedom that
Christ has given us, the deliverance that we have been immersed in and make that
the center of our lives boldly. We should be open about our shortcomings, sins,
and struggles...not in the sense that we tweet or facebook it, but that we use
it as witness and to build relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ.
I have really been seeing this in my personal walk with God lately, the fact that a consistent
commitment to chasing after Gods will, will then lead to an overwhelming
affection towards God, which can be found through our weakness and shortcomings only because of HIS victory in the Gospel. Nothing that we can do (or hide) will make us better and on the flip side of that nothing we could do can be too shameful because Christ conquered shame. The Gospel is over everything.
Instead
of shying away, being afraid, and disconnected in our own spiritual lives as
well as with others…its time to get real.